My melanoma story isn’t a recent one. It began several years ago. Long overdue, I’ve always understood the importance of sharing my experience. However, I have struggled so many times in writing this post that I actually began over two years ago. I’ve started, stopped, set aside, and started again.
For the past 21 years, I have told my story to anyone who would listen and sometimes to people who didn’t really care to hear it. Telling my story in writing, however, proves to be more difficult. While I have had several types of skin cancer, the deadliest one included, I still feel inadequately informed to talk about this silent killer. At 32, I was diagnosed with malignant melanoma, a cancer I thought was for “old people”. I had zero education about skin cancer, even though more people are diagnosed with skin cancer than all other cancers combined (in the US).
I hope my story helps at least one person. I’m an advocate for protecting skin now. Honestly, I can’t say I would be if I had not fallen victim to melanoma.
“I only tan on days ending with -y.”
I don’t remember being inside much growing up. During my elementary years, I spent every summer day I could at the swimming pool and weekends at the lake. In high school, my sun worshiping mirrored that of most girls in the 1980s. I slathered baby oil and iodine on my body, squeezed lemon juice in my hair, and baked in the sun for hours. Sometimes, I climbed on the roof of my house to get closer to the sun and laid on a reflective pad in order to get darker. I burned and peeled. Still, I never used sunscreen. For the winter months, I bought a sunlamp for my face and chest.
When I entered college, I no longer wasted my time sunbathing. I bought a package to a tanning salon and continued using tanning beds off and on for several more years. It’s no surprise, really, that at the age of 32, I was diagnosed with Stage I Malignant Melanoma.
It’s because my daughter Lexi was teased about a birthmark on her face and because my husband Randy is relentlessly persistent, that I even had a mole on my upper left hip checked out. Because of them, I am alive today.
Our middle child Lexi was born with a harmless birthmark on her cheek called a “Spider Angioma”. We called it “Lexi’s Angel’s Kiss”. At around 9 months old, Lexi’s birthmark changed from a bright red color to a more purple/pink color. By the age of 3, Lexi’s birthmark had faded considerably. No one in the family noticed it. Only she did.
“Taking care of yourself is part of taking care of your kids.”
During my pregnancy with Cale, I developed a mole on my upper left hip that continued to grow. Randy pressed me to see a dermatologist. I brushed him off, telling him mole changes were common during pregnancy. Once Cale was born in December 2000, the mole continued to evolve. Randy tried again to get me to schedule a doctor’s appointment. His concern did make me wary enough to look up pictures of suspicious moles. I convinced myself that mine was harmless. It wasn’t bigger than a pencil eraser. It wasn’t dark. I didn’t know of any family members who had skin cancer. I tanned easily. Besides, taking care of three kids was my priority, and seeing a doctor for myself was such an inconvenience.
One afternoon, the kids and I were in a department store shopping. I saw Lexi staring at herself in the mirror crying. When I scooped her up and asked her what was wrong, her response broke my heart. Some kids had told her that her birthmark wasn’t an “angel’s kiss” but a “devil’s kiss”. Nothing I said consoled her. She was 7 at the time.
Randy and I knew that laser treatment to remove Lexi’s birthmark was available, but we never considered it. She, on the other hand, begged us to get rid of what others had convinced her was a “devil’s kiss”. I scheduled Lexi an appointment to see the dermatologist. Randy made me call back and schedule myself an appointment as well. That appointment saved my life.
I truly believe that if Lexi had not stood in front of a mirror crying about kids teasing her, I would have put off seeing a dermatologist until it was too late. At that appointment, Lexi did one incredibly painful and unsuccessful laser treatment to remove her birthmark. We never scheduled a follow-up. Eventually, the birthmark faded on its own, but to this day, I believe her birthmark was an actual angel’s kiss.
As for me, the dermatologist removed my mole, noting it didn’t look suspicious. A few days later I got the dreaded call that the biopsy showed Stage I Malignant Melanoma which meant that the cancer cells were in both the first and second layers of the skin.
I remember looking up my prognosis on the Internet and discovering that Ronald Reagan’s daughter Maureen Reagan had recently died of Malignant Melanoma. She had battled the deadly skin cancer for five years. My initial thoughts were, “If they can’t save a former President’s daughter, then there is no hope for me.” I had lots of living to do. I was 32 at the time and convinced myself that I had maybe 5 years left. Thank goodness Casady, Lexi, and Cale kept me busy and focused on being a mom; otherwise, I would have allowed all the Internet information to consume me.
What followed that summer were lots more doctors’ appointments. Another deeper, larger incision cut around my first one would help ensure that the doctor removed all the cancer. MRIs and Cat Scans checked to see if the cancer had spread. I even had my eyes checked and learned that eye freckles can develop into melanoma.
“Some people appear in your life when you need them most. They love you and lift you up. Reminding you of the best. Even when you’re going through the worst. These people are not just friends. They are earth angels.” -Anna Taylor
One of my best friends was my earth angel and helped me through my difficult time, her name is Tina. Tina and I taught across the hall from one another and coached cheer together. Her son Cole and my daughter Lexi had been best buds since daycare. Just a few years earlier, Tina had battled breast cancer, undergoing a double mastectomy and chemotherapy. In spite of being told she would possibly lose fertility, she had recently had a baby girl just a year before I had Cale. Seeing her battle her cancer as a mom and wife at such a young age gave me hope that I could do the same if needed.
When I had to see an Oncologist, Tina said she would go with me. I will forever be grateful for that. She later shared with me how difficult it was for her to re-enter the Cancer Center. Having her with me that day and seeing others battling cancer humbled me in a way I will never be able to explain. I just knew I wanted to live.
“Life is a gift. The gift is good. The past is received into history. The future is full of positive possibilities. And you are free to live your life.” -Marie Dawson (My Aunt)
By the end of summer, all my results came back clear. Beyond grateful, I had an even greater appreciation for life. I also had an incessant desire to prove that I was strong. I rallied Tina and a few other teachers to begin training for a marathon with me. They were all young moms, too, with no previous marathon experience. We would pitch in for a babysitter after work, take off on our training runs, make it home in time to cook dinner, tend to the kids’ homework, tee ball games, bath time, etc., and the next day repeat the day over again…more exhausted than the day before.
With a few missing toenails, we completed our first marathon on April 28, 2002, the Oklahoma City Memorial Marathon. Pure relief and joy mixed with a little bit of pain, this photo of Tina and me at the end of the race will always be one of my favorites (my race time was 4:36:54). The other photo shows Tina and I (August 2020) at Cole’s wedding; our other longtime friend Angie also ran the marathon with us back in 2002. Angie taught alongside Tina and me as well, so I’ve shared many of life’s “bus rides” literally and figuratively with these gals.
“Lots of people want to ride with you in the limo. What you want is someone who will ride the bus with you when the limo breaks down.” -Oprah Winfrey
I don’t remember the details of my melanoma, like how many centimeters the incision was and the technical stuff that I think people want to know. That’s where I feel uneducated and unequipped to share my story and why I’ve been writing for so long. What I do remember vividly are the specific details that got me through my time of uncertainty: Randy and I holding each other and crying, family and friends praying with me, remembering how Tina had battled her Cancer with grace and knowing that I could do the same if necessary. All these memories make me so emotional still and make me hurt for anyone going through any kind of illness or diagnosis.
“We’re all terminal.” -Barbara Lambert
I want to share my story as a reminder to live each day fully. Twenty-one years after my malignant melanoma diagnosis, I understand even more that each day is a gift. Several years ago, Barbara, one of my co-workers and also a friend, lost her son tragically. A short time later, her husband passed away. Losing two loved ones so close together seemed unbearable. I always looked to Barbara for bits of wisdom, and I will never forget that in her time of grief she reminded everyone else to live: “We’re all terminal,” she would say, “so live!”.
I choose not to live in fear, but I feel apprehensive each time I have a dermatologist appointment. Full body checks aren’t the most comfortable, but I understand their importance. Throughout the years, I’ve had several moles removed. None of them malignant, thank God. Each new scar is a beautiful reminder that life is a gift.
My melanoma story didn’t make me not love the sun or keep me away from the beach or change my attitude in any of those ways. The only thing that changed is that I wear sunscreen religiously. By religiously, I mean every single day. I haven’t been in a tanning bed since my diagnosis. I tell others to put on sunscreen (and sometimes offer it to strangers). When I’m asked about my favorite sunscreen, I do have my preferences, but I tell others, “Whichever one you apply and reapply. That’s my favorite sunscreen!”
“Everybody knows how to love, but only few people know how to stay in love with the same person for a very long period of time.”
Randy’s still the guy in my ear getting me to do things that are necessary even when I don’t want to, and I make sure I return the favor for him. We continue to chase sunsets and find places to travel so we can check them off our list.
Today, you will either find me on a beach somewhere or dreaming about some place tropical. I will be wearing my sunscreen either way and thanking God for one more day.
Love this so much and so thankful you finally shared your story. You are such an inspiration and I’m so glad I found you on the gram. #goodstuff ?
Angela,
Thank you for your sweet message. Your kind words mean more than you know. Have the best day.
Shalia
Shalia,
THANK YOU!! I have been waiting a long time for this post. I can imagine how difficult it was to write. My heart goes out to you and so glad God put his earth angels here for you. Isn’t it just crazy to look back and see how he was there.. I mean even Lexi’s birth mark was there for a reason. And i’m so relieved that Tina is still here!! I would love to meet you and Sandi one day, but since i live in Illinois then i will be content to watch your positivity on Instagram. Also, i worry about Sandi walking without a gun regarding those dogs. Take care and know that you all are very loved! Thank you for sharing again. You are changing lives! xo
Susan,
Thank you! I’m happy that you wrote. We would love to meet you, too! I’m grateful that Tina is still here, too. I had lunch with her today. As for Sandi, don’t worry. She’s packing 🙂
Shalia
I had a melanoma in mid thirties as well and thankfully they got it all with surgery and I didn’t require any more treatment. Ten years of seeing an oncologist and I still the dermatologist twice a year for full body scans. Thank you for sharing your story, you never know who may make that appointment they’ve been putting off as a result!
Robin,
So sorry to hear that you had a melanoma as well. Thank goodness for early detection! My hope is that others, too, will schedule an appointment instead of putting it off. Thank you for taking the time to message and for sharing a bit of your story as well.
Shalia
What a beautifully written story about such a very personal part of your life. Makes me care, appreciate, admire you even more. Just today I was sitting in my niece’s car and I had one leg folded under the other. I looked at a spot or mole on my leg. I thought to myself that it looked different. I then said to myself you need to make a dermatologist appt. So I feel my reading your story is confirmation that yes I do need to make that appt. I will do so tomorrow. Love you Shalia and Sandy too!! Never miss a day of watching.
Carrie,
Thank you so much for taking the time to message. I am so happy you are making your appointment. Prayers that all goes well. Keep me updated!
Shalia
Thank you for sharing. I felt your emotions in this story. Our daughter was diagnosed with breast cancer at 34 years old, 18 days after her wedding. After chemo, mastectomy, radiation and diep flap reconstruction, she has learned and taught us how to appreciate life. I think you would relate to her writing. She is an undergraduate English major and now an Attorney with the NCAA. She loves writing and writes for the following publication.
https://indianapolis.momcollective.com/parenting-perspectives/a-cancer-survivor-who-still-sweats-the-small-stuff/
Susan,
Thank you so much for sharing your daughter’s story. I will be sure to read her publication and share with my friend Tina who is now almost 24 years cancer free! She was only 32 when diagnosed with breast cancer. Her son, who was two at the time, is now in med school and her daughter plays basketball at Rice University. Like your daughter, Tina taught and still teaches everyone she encounters how to live life fully.
Shalia
I had a melanoma when I was 35. My two boys played soccer and baseball. I put sunscreen on them but not on myself. My Mom died of breast cancer in 1986 so I was worried about that….not skin cancer. I had to have two surgeries. The first Dr didn’t clear the margins. I’m 53 now and I stay out of the sun. Cancer free…so far. Thank you for sharing your story!! P.S. I love you guys!!
Grace,
First of all, so sorry you lost your mother at such a young age. It’s so hard for me to understand why some people are taken too soon. When I mentioned that the cancer center humbled me, I saw people on the verge of death and felt a sense of guilt. Why were my margins clear? Why did my uncle die of a brain tumor at 42? What made me special and cancer-free? It’s hard to explain, but I just knew that it was important for me to never take life for granted. Thank you for sharing your story. Thank God you are cancer free! P.S. we love you back!
Shalia
Thank you for sharing. At 55, I just considered doing tanning beds again. I will stick with spray tans. Truly thank you,
Jen,
I understand the urge. I can remember after my diagnosis feeling sad that I wouldn’t ever be in a tanning bed again. However, all these years later, my skin is so grateful and looks younger as a result (added bonus). Ha! Yes, spray tans, tanning mousse, etc. Those are your friends. 🙂
Shalia
Thank you for sharing. I get basal cell skin cancers very often (6 at my last visit with dermatologist). Luckily no melanoma yet. Get your skin checked!!! I got my first basal cell at 23. I saw many doctors before a dermatologist who told me my spot was nothing. Only trust your dermatologist.
Kyra,
Thank you for sharing and so glad you get those basal cell cancers removed. My mom gets several removed at a time as well. They leave ugly scars, but like I said, scars are beautiful reminders that life is good!
Thank you for sharing!
I lost my sister Jan 14th at the age of 42 after a 6yr battle of Stage 4 melanoma.
Shana, I am so so sorry for your loss. I so wish there were more education about skin cancer. Prayers for your family.
Shalia
I had a Malignant melanoma 3 years ago in the middle of a very hectic relocation. Received the news all alone while my husband and girls were in TN (our new home) and I was in AL (selling our home). The melanoma was removed the same week and it was out!!! I have my checks every six months. I like you, have had several procedures to remove other Basel-cell and squamous cell spots-my chest got the most damage so it looks like a road map but I’m just living the country music loving life here in Nashville!!
Last week I had my six month check and I had a biopsy on my nose and I’m still waiting for the results. Please pray it is nothing????
Thanks for sharing,
Rhonda
Rhonda,
Prayers sent up! I understand about the road map. The IPL treatment helped the appearance of my chest so much. I am grateful you are proactive. Please keep me updated!
Shalia
Thank you for sharing! It’s so important to always try to have a positive mindset, especially during such trying times as it aids in the bodies recovery. I’m so glad you got checked and got the malignant melanoma removed. You’re too important to many!
Elizabeth,
Thank you so much for your sweet message. You’re right about a positive mindset. It affects everything we do!
Shalia
Hi Shalia,
My 52 year old brother was diagnosed with stage 4 malignant melanoma in June of 2014. My big , strong, athletic, intelligent (a cardiac nurse) who probably never wore a shirt when playing basketball outdoors succumbed to this dreadful disease in December 2014. There isn’t a day that goes by that I don’t think about him. Thanks for the PSA on your own diagnosis.
Diane,
I am so very sorry to hear about your brother. Skin cancer is such a silent killer. I thought 21 years ago there wasn’t enough eduction, and I’m saddened that we really haven’t come all that far. I wish skin checks were part of yearly checkups. How awesome that your brother was a cardiac nurse! A true hero 🙂
Thank you for sharing your story. When I was 28 and my dad was 67, he died after a two year battle with melanoma. I know my kids get tired of listening to my constant reminders about sunscreen, but I tell them that it just means I love them. I don’t want anyone to lose their life from melanoma. Keep sunscreening people!
Stevanna,
So sorry that your dad lost his battle with melanoma. Keep being a loving momma! I so wish there were more education about the importance of wearing sunscreen so it wouldn’t feel like “nagging” when I ask, “Do you have sunscreen? Are you wearing sunscreen? Did you reapply sunscreen?” Like you, it comes from a place of love.
Thank you SO much for writing this! I will be making my appointment with the dermatologist today for a full body check – one that I have been putting off. I feel that your message will encourage so many to do the same. Grateful ❤️
Lynne,
Yea for making that appointment! I understand. I do the same thing about appointments too. Sometimes we need that little nudge. I’m glad I could be that for you. Here’s to wishing you a clean bill of health!
Shalia, thank you so much for sharing your story! I can’t imagine how hard that time must have been for you!! I am a fair skinned, brown eyed brunette and have always burned without careful sunscreen application! I certainly had my share of sunburns as a teen and young adult….. After hearing a few stories and knowing a teacher at my sons’ school who had melanoma, I became even more vigilant about sunscreen! It remains one of my major health concerns so I see my dermatologist faithfully! I love The Spoiled Home and following you and Sandy!! Ya’ll were one of my good things, #goodstuff, to come from the pandemic because with more time on my hands, I found you on Instagram!!❤️
Sara,
Good for you for being vigilant! We are grateful we found you 🙂
I loved reading your story and I am so happy that it has all turned out okay. I also had melanoma and I was 45. I tanned just like you did and used a tanning bed. I always felt better when I was tan. I never used sunscreen and in my teens and 20s no one even talked about sunscreen. I ended up having melanoma on the back of my leg and I had to have surgery where they took out lymph nodes to see if there was any spreading. I was one of the lucky ones. I had previously gone to a doctor to have the spot on my leg checked and he just tried to burn it off. A year later I was at a dermatologist getting Botox and she said I want to biopsy that spot right now. She called me the next day with the results. Lol, I guess Botox saves my life.
Jana,
Wow! What a story! You truly are a lucky one! Thank you so much for sharing. I’m so happy you decided you needed Botox one year later and not two or three! Just Wow!
Thank you for sharing your story Shalia! So raw, powerful and helpful! You’re a fighter and a leader! Not to mention a gifted writer! Blessings to you!
Maria,
Thank you so much for your kind, sweet message. Your words meant the world to me. Blessings to you.
Shalia
Thank you for sharing. I am not as diligent as I should be with my checkups so I’m calling right now to schedule an appointment. Thankfully no cancer yet, just precancerous things removed. But as a fair skinned person who burns easily, was always in the sun and rarely wore sunscreen, I know I need to do better.
Suzanne,
You are doing well by making that appointment! Good for you. We can all always do better. 🙂 Prayers for a clean bill of health!
Shalia
Thanks for sharing! I am 41, just had basal cell last year and I just had melanoma removed a week ago today on my left thigh. I need to get religious about my sunscreen and not rear the sun like you!
Love you both and thanks for sharing your lives with us!
JenNy,
Thank you for sharing. So sorry you have skin cancer scars on your body. I know all too well what the feels like to hear the words “melanoma.” Prayers for the all-clear!
God Bless,
Shalia
Thank you for sharing your story. I lost my husband to Melanoma 16 years ago after a two year battle. He was 30 at the time and I always use May (his birthday month and Melanoma awareness month) to remind everyone to schedule an annual check in with their dermatologist. I appreciate your honestly and I also still.love the sun just make better decisions and slather on that sunscreen.
Autumn,
I am so so sorry for your loss. I get so angry when I hear, “It’s just skin cancer.” Thank you for being an advocate and sharing your husband’s story. In the time that’s passed since my melanoma, I think people are better educated but still information is lacking. Keep slathering on the sunscreen and bringing awareness, and I will do the same.
Shalia
Invisalign saved my life!
I found out I had thyroid cancer at the age of 30. Your post resonated with me so much— specifically, that I am incredibly grateful for every day, month, and year I get to spend with my baby, husband, and family. I do have to continuously remind myself to remain positive for those routine check ups and full body scans, because it’s so easy to slip into an anxious state.
Thank you for sharing your experience (and grace) with us!
Thank you so sharing. So sorry you had thyroid cancer at such a young age. I know my attitude about so many things changed for the better when I was told I had cancer. I still have to remind myself not to be anxious, but those feelings are real. Thank you for sharing your experience.
Shalia
Thank you for sharing your story with your readers. You’re so eloquent and definitely have a gift for the written word.I also feel confident that you have made at least one person schedule an appointment with a dermatologist to get their skkn checked.Stay safe always!
Paige,
Thank you so much for your sweet message. I hope that my story at least brings awareness or makes someone look a little more closely at suspicious moles on his or her body and give them the nudge to act.
Blessings,
Shalia
I too had Melanoma when I was 31. Our stories are very similar. My sister actually found mine by chance. We were trying on bridesmaid dresses for her wedding. The cut was perfect because had it been any different she never would have seen it on my left scapula. She saved my life for sure!!! I love your outlook on life and even though I had this awful disease I’m thankful every day to be alive and well. Thank you for sharing ❤️
Amy,
Thank you for sharing your story! What a blessing to have a caring sister who knew to prompt you to get the mole checked out. The idea that we are all terminal whether we have been handed a diagnosis or not certainly should change how we approach each day.
God bless,
Shalia